On this Fathers Day wish I could say that my father is the greatest gift I have ever received. I can't , but I can say the greatest gift I have ever received came from God. The greatest gift given to me was His son and the second greatest gift was my wonderful husband. Then the gifts just start adding up including my children. I am pretty darned gifted!! My father was certainly a gift but one with many blessings, challenges, rewards and hardships all wrapped into one.
You may hear me rant and rave about my mother, writing poems about missing her, or wanting her to see what God has done with my life. I would like her proud of me. She died when I was young and she was sick most of my life. She was loved completely by my father and coddled well. In all my years I never heard them fight. Oh, it was a very abusive home, but never between the two of them. My mother was a wonderful artist but never much of a hugger. I don't remember any hugs, closeness or even one "I love you." She left behind many gifts and talents but no memories of loving or nurturing. One is taught to never speak ill of the dead and I try best not too. I try to speak truth and some find that too harsh.
My pops had some issues and I am grateful for all he had taught me in my youth. The love was always one sided. I am so grateful for all the gifts that I have and have no need to complain! My dad, which we called Daddy was always involved in our lives. He is an alcoholic (like me) and was a very functional drinker. He didn't remember much of what his days were filled with but he functioned well. We were water-skiing, snow skiing, horseback riding since I was about 7 or so. We were camping, traveling, playing, creating, ohhh and fishing (I love fishing.)
He loved crafts and taught me so many techniques of crafting.
He loved sports and coached us in many and taught us so well. He was a bit heavy handed and we excelled as a result.
My dad was such a wonderful musician, guitarist, vocalist. Oh how I swoon remembering his voice. He would gather with my mom, who would be sitting at the piano or organ and Grump (my grandpa, who was another amazing guitarist,) and play and sing for hours.
We were a very social family, involved in church events, pool parties and never spent the holidays alone. We were always surrounded by music, loud voices, laughter and partying.
I have brought so much into my today that was given to me by my father, and although it feels as if I am speaking of him in the past tense, he is still alive but all my memories are in the past.
I have been blessed. Sadly, there is torment, devastation and vile memories that come with the the trip down memory road. I have healed from their pain, thanks to the greatest gift from God, his son Jesus. The memory lane is still dotted with many markers of pain and suffering but they do not belong in my day, nor my future. I do not wish to shut the door on my past (I am writing a book!) but I learn from it, grow from it, highlight all that is good in it, heal from anything that pops up.
I love my dad, but it has been a one sided relationship for as long as I can remember.
God has shown me who I believe my father would want to be. I believe that his desire to be more like God shames him so and out of that comes behavior born from shame and fear. I have seen what God does in healing of men who have the same cycle. It is amazing to see a man riddled with shame become transformed by Grace! I have hopes of this for my father and I have evidence of it in my wonderful husband, the father of my children. I see it in my sons, who will be fathers someday.
Happy Fathers day Daddy.
Happy Fathers day Trace.
Happy Fathers day to all the Dads out there.
Be a father of Grace, be a son of forgiveness. Hug your children, and let them know they are loved. Heal from within so that you may love completely.
I love you.