Father's Day ♥

"The greatest gift I ever had came from God, and I call him Dad! "
-- Anonymous

On this Fathers Day wish I could say that my father is the greatest gift I have ever received. I can't , but I can say the greatest gift I have ever received came from God.  The greatest gift given to me was His son and the second greatest gift was my wonderful husband.  Then the gifts just start adding up including my children. I am pretty darned gifted!! My father was certainly a gift but one with many blessings, challenges, rewards and hardships all wrapped into one.

You may hear me rant and rave about my mother, writing poems about missing her, or wanting her to see what God has done with my life. I would like her proud of me. She died when I was young and she was sick most of my life. She was loved completely by my father and coddled well.  In all my years I never heard them fight. Oh, it was a very abusive home, but never between the two of them. My mother was a wonderful artist but never much of a hugger. I don't remember any hugs, closeness or even one "I love you." She left behind many gifts and talents but no memories of loving or nurturing. One is taught to never speak ill of the dead and I try best not too. I try to speak truth and some find that too harsh.

My pops had some issues and I am grateful for all he had taught me in my youth.  The love was always one sided. I am so grateful for all the gifts that I have and have no need to complain! My dad, which we called Daddy was always involved in our lives. He is an alcoholic (like me) and was a very functional drinker. He didn't remember much of what his days were filled with but he functioned well. We were water-skiing, snow skiing, horseback riding since I was about 7 or so. We were camping, traveling, playing, creating, ohhh and fishing (I love fishing.)

He loved crafts and taught me so many techniques of crafting.
He loved sports and coached us in many and taught us so well. He was a bit heavy handed and we excelled as a result.

My dad was such a wonderful musician, guitarist, vocalist. Oh how I swoon remembering his voice. He would gather with my mom, who would be sitting at the piano or organ and Grump (my grandpa, who was another amazing guitarist,) and play and sing for hours.

We were a very social family, involved in church events, pool parties and never spent the holidays alone. We were always surrounded by music, loud voices, laughter and partying.

I have brought so much into my today that was given to me by my father, and although it feels as if I am speaking of him in the past tense, he is still alive but all my memories are in the past.

I have been blessed. Sadly, there is torment, devastation and vile memories that come with the the trip down memory road. I have healed from their pain, thanks to the greatest gift from God, his son Jesus. The memory lane is still dotted with many markers of pain and suffering but they do not belong in my day, nor my future. I do not wish to shut the door on my past (I am writing a book!) but I learn from it, grow from it, highlight all that is good in it, heal from anything that pops up.

I love my dad, but it has been a one sided relationship for as long as I can remember.

God has shown me who I believe my father would want to be. I believe that his desire to be more like God shames him so and out of that comes behavior born from shame and fear. I have seen what God does in healing of men who have the same cycle. It is amazing to see a man riddled with shame become transformed by Grace! I have hopes of this for my father and I have evidence of it in my wonderful husband, the father of my children. I see it in my sons, who will be fathers someday.

Happy Fathers day Daddy.
Happy Fathers day Trace.
Happy Fathers day to all the Dads out there.

Be a father of Grace, be a son of forgiveness. Hug your children, and let them know they are loved. Heal from within so that you may love completely.

I love you.
shell

How shell? How?

How shell? How? 

That is the question that I have been hearing a lot lately. There is so much tragedy at this time.

"How do you smile? How do you remain loving? How shell? How on Earth do you "Keep the Faith?"
Well, let me first say that Cancer and Alcoholism are my faith challenges!

One of my dearest friends has colon cancer and the latest lab results were not what we wanted to hear. I love her so very much. She has surrounded herself with love and light and is a miracle, even in this struggle, she is an inspiration.
Another dear friend's cancer has slowed down and maybe "died." It seems to be a new phenomena that we are seeing with cancer these days. (My friend has refused all western medical treatments.)




We have many more friends facing this struggle and thankfully we are seeing survival!

I had a friend missing this past year, and just found out that she died in December. She died without any of us knowing, all alone. No one needs to be alone.


How shell? How on Earth do you "Keep the Faith?"

To those of you who asked me this lately; I am sorry that it took a few days to get back to you. I was busy pouting, having a temper tantrum, praying and then praying some more, until I could get an answer to give you.

God! He hears my prayers, He knows my name, and He loves me beyond my weakness. He raises me up, to be more than I can be.

How? How do I do it? By trial and error, and more error and more trials.


I look to my soon to be teenage son, who was having anxiety over the tornadoes, earthquakes, tsunamis and world wide tragedy. How can a God who loves little ol' me not take care of such great things?

Well, first we have to set our eyes on the things God has called us to:

..whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is fair, whatever is pure, whatever is acceptable, whatever is commendable, if there is anything of excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy-keep thinking about these things. Phil 4:8

This is not to say that we turn a blind eye to our own suffering or shield ourselves from others who are suffering. We need to be ready within ourselves, focusing on a power so much greater than ours, to be able to reach out past the insanity we live in. We need to find the peace that passes all understanding, filling our hearts with God's joy, which is our strength. 
Then we can truly love one another and help those who need us, as we continue think on that which is good. Focusing on the solutions around us, not the problems.

We look for solutions to the ever present problems and I must honestly and humbly say, I have only one solution. "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will come unto you." 

shell? What about cancer? What about our children dying? shell? How do you do it?  

I lost my mother (42) to cancer the month after I turned 18, but my incredible daughter was born the following year, I lost my first husband and his parents in my first month of sobriety from alcohol and drugs. They died of the same disease I was fighting.  My story goes on, one tragedy after another, or so it seems, and I can focus on those things, yet they are not what sustains me today!! My experiences might benefit others but it is not in relating to them that I am of any help. It is in offering ways to live in the solution to these things, ahh, that is my goal. 

It is in believing that all things work together towards a greater good, a goal, a plan, one that more often than not, I do not understand.  I do trust in God, who has carried me through, who has given peace to even a mind like mine. 

 Master Plan/Lean Not -A song I recorded live 20 years ago!


To look at my life today, you would see that it is nothing like it once was,  many would see how blessed I truly am, but it is because of what I choose to show you! I choose to show you the truth! That even with all of the pain and suffering, I am blessed beyond my wildest imagination. 

Do I get everything I want? Ha not nearly, but praise God I don't get what I truly deserve. I am grateful for His peace in whatever we go through. Is it instantaneous? Oh, heck no..it is a process and one I work very hard at.

I do not do it alone! I am surrounded by good friends and family who help me, pray with me and remind me of that which is good, especially when it seems to be too dark. I must admit, that had to be a deliberate choice. I hadn't always chosen the most positive people to be around. The weeding out of the things that were choking the life right out of me has been a long journey and one I trudge daily.

I am currently writing a book about these things. It might be too heavy for many to read because I will be including all of the darkness, trials and tragedies so that others can truly comprehend the miracle that I am. 

A miracle of God's! 

Do I understand? No, but I believe.

Like I tell my son: Hun, You don't add the Nightly News to your "mix CD", nor the drama of your friends. Would you add static and ugly things you can not even understand? Would you listen to someone saying I HATE YOU over and over? When you create what you listen to, add to your CD the words of faith, the words of peace, what you want to hear, what pleases you. 
 Then when you see someone hurting, you will know that God will give you whatever it is you need to help them, sometimes it is only a prayer or a hand to hold on to.

..whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is fair, whatever is pure, whatever is acceptable, whatever is commendable, if there is anything of excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy-keep thinking about these things. Phil 4:8

I also thank God for incredible guitar players! I can just meld into the music as I meditate for some peace.


He raises  me up to be more than I can be!

Loving Linda by shell | Make Your Own Book

This book has been made available for Linda. 100% of the proceeds go towards Linda's medical needs.

The Path to New Beginnings- Walking Now

We extended the path quite a bit!!

We have a gate! 

"Like this Papa?"

My incredible husband woke up with the chickens Saturday morning. He got up and headed out with his cup of coffee and finished building me a gate to the new path. My path is complete and ready for walking. I have been looping it every day since! I have had the pleasure of walking it with friends and most delightfully with my children, who are anticipating all the fun things we may do together in the near future.

I know I may seem a bit obsessive, like this is all that has been on my mind lately, but in reality it is more like I am extremely excited. The moment the sun came out and I started walking more, my health improved drastically. Perhaps it is the sunny weather and the great walking, but it really doesn't matter, what matters is that we have worked so long and hard for this and we have been able to see it to fruition.

First day walking the path and the sun was nowhere to be found.

God heard my cry and we never gave up on believing. We are not contractors, we have no tools or know-how; we aren't even ranchers, or country people. We are musicians and computer geeks! We didn't have the funds but we were guided by our faith each step of the way. A dear friend directed us towards the Dirt Movers, who helped us with everything and were very patient with us (as discussed in installment 1.) We did have some help from a contracting friend in reversing our gate, but Tracy was the man!!

God showed us ways to make it happen, one step at a time. My husband is the most generous, loving and kind man. I tried to walk the path and Smok'em left us presents along the way. Worried that my walker might get stuck (:giggle:) my wonderful husband was out there scooping manure. Now, I call it manure, you might call it manure but my computer programming husband calls it POOP! ;)

The Crew

The views are amazing but obscured by an overcast sky. Again, I believe God was keeping it cool for me on my first few treks! The sun came out yesterday and we had a lovely sunset stroll with friends. Oh, I am starting to tear up. Who knows what will be next!

YES, it seems obsessive, I guess, but it is nothing short of a miracle for me. This is my last installment of blogging on our "Path Saga." Thank you for taking it with us.

I am literally signing off this thing to go "Take a Hike!"
shell

The Path to New Beginnings Ch2

The Path, part 2
Well, it looks as though there will be three chapters to this Path saga. We are waiting patiently, (some of us more than others,) for someone to build a gate to the wonderful path. I have walked to the fence line (minus walker) daily but cannot go further until we have a gate.

Hey look at your new toy! Now shell, you can't play with it yet..well poo....yes, that is the feeling.

We need the property fenced in; or our horse and goats will be more free ranging than what is allowed. We really don't want them too close to the house either. We have spoken to a number of folks and we know it will all work out.
I am amped up as all get out and this could be the Lord's gentle way of encouraging me to take it all a little slower than I would like to.

When hiking the trails at Point Lobos, I started to get some side aches.  I went to visit my GREAT surgeon at UCSF and asked him if I could have hurt myself with the hikes. He told me "Your kidneys are doing so well, you CANT over do it!" My family worried some, knowing that he must not know me too well.
So for the time being I am on take it slow mode.

Let's see, more great news. Jonathon, our son (one with 2 mothers!) has been cured/in remission of his cancer. We are so ecstatic. We just got the news today. Thank you so very much for your prayers.

It's been one heck of a ride this past year. I am enjoying this new season of bountiful blessings!

Spring is coming, the birds are singing and the abundant croaking frogs are driving me crazy.  In no time, I will be walking the path daily. Children are all doing well and excited.

Part three of this story will be the planting of flowers







and  taking photographs of the trail and all the little treasures along the way. The path seems to be a little over 1/4 mile, we will measure it this weekend. We have plans to extend it even more; once this hike turns to "beginner level" for me ;)

Financially we are pretty broke. We used up everything we gathered for this path. Even though we are gathering coins to pay for gas, we are far from poor, because we have a love that is immeasurable. We have faith that moves mountains (or builds a path through them.) We have the best of family and friends. We are working on the good health now.  We are blessed, oh so very blessed.

We have a lovely property.  I pray I can help with the upkeep. It is a great deal of work, but it is such a delight! Sometimes I feel like I live at a National Park. 

I might need to paint a mural on this eyesore!

In General:
I am selling photography and doing graphic design, as well as drafting resumes and business plans. I am trying to do my part in making ends meet and then if my health permits, I will reenter the world of the music industry. Time will tell. I am helping start up companies, mentoring, enjoying Bible Study and Community.

I am still working on a few books, attending college (YAY Spring break,) recording some musical projects for charity, part time homeschooling 3 amazing children, being a mama to those awesome children as well as the other 4, and doing everything I can do to spoil my incredible husband.

Thank you for sharing this with me, with us; I pray it inspires you, uplifts your spirits, brings you to a place of prayer, or lets you know that no matter what you are facing, you are loved and in no way, alone.
shell

We extended the path some!

The Path to New Beginnings!

March 28th 2011
I am so very excited.
So much has happened in just a few short hours.
The day started off with a bit of anxiety. My husband tried to fix our garbage disposal this weekend, yep, not a very good idea. His heart ♥ is in the right place. He is as intelligent as they come; yet, he just has no experience in such matters. I applaud him, especially after he botched his good intentions up some, he chose to call for help!! Now that is awesome :) He is awesome. We have a plumber here this morning. With that said:

The Path

Now, it's a Monday, my husband needs to go to work, a plumber is on their way, my children are all off to school on Mondays and the rain finally stops. The path people "Dirt Works " have chosen to get started as planned. Now, let me say, with all of the flooding, storms etc, we certainly didn't think we would be starting on schedule. We didn't even make provisions for Smoke'em or the goats. Time to get some prayer and meditation in, and a good dose of coffee.

Trace being the kind and considerate husband that he is decided to work from home this morning (computer programmers can get away with that, once in a full moon.)

They started right away and due to us getting the estimate somewhere back in October, we had a few hiccups. It took us this long to save the pennies we needed to make this happen. We sold old musical equipment, saved and begged (no real begging.) We prayed, and prayed.

My health started going backwards this past month. The stormy weather made it very hard to get the adequate exercise needed to keep things rolling forward and I started to get anxious. I have isolated some and knew this path would help things go in the right direction.

I stepped outside and saw that the incline to the top of the property was more than I imagined or talked about. I knew that I must make sure this is "doable."
I asked my friends for prayer.                                                         I then talked to the workers and in no time they had it beautiful and perfectly graded to give me a good and healthy climb. SO beautiful in fact that I climbed to the top without my walker! I just did this to test it out, the walker will be needed for awhile. Ok I did it because I was so excited.  I was ecstatic! Gee, I still am. I can't contain it. It is soooo beautiful from up there.

 There is much more work to be done and I thank you so much for your support.The Dirt-Works folks knew how important this is to us and have jumped on the support wagon completely. They have listened to every detail and applauded every effort and are extremely professional to boot. On time, efficient, reasonable (worked with our budget completely, even waited months for us to get the funds.) We have felt safe and in good hands with Judi and Andre and their crew. More about them later.

One step at a time... Praise God.

As I type this I still hear bulldozing but I am so excited, that I just had to write. There will be a full report soon along with photographs from the top!
Thank you!!!

shell

Looking Back-for a Moment-Living in Today.

2010- What a year!!

• We started off bankrupt!
• We started off stranded in Canada--story here in the blogs
• Joshua became quite ill--story here in the blogs
• Joshua needed and received a double lung transplant-story here in the blogs.
• We raised money for Joshua by throwing a wonderful benefit concert in Monterey featuring Phil Keaggy and many other fine artists. In the blogs.
• A beautiful Moomp was born.
• My son Jon got cancer
• My therapist got cancer
• I had 2 major surgeries on my kidneys spending weeks at UCSF
• My daughter Jen lived with me at the hospital for both stays.
• Our 3 little ones started part time on a campus for the first time.
• We became part of a project called Adopt-A-Family at church.
• My son Ruben got engaged.
• My daughter Jen went back to school to become an attorney.
• Moomps visit monthly (One of my favorite gifts of 2010.)

I cried out to God last year. My little sister had died and there was

nothing I could do to help her. I now lost two sisters who were destitute and riddled with illness. We couldn't help Joshua or Jonathon, not in the way that we wanted. So powerless, so useless, even started to feel worthless.

I cried out, "Please Lord, at least let us have the means to help others.". We have been blessed with abundance for many years and we always used the abundance to help others. I was so afraid that with the economy, my surgeries, and cars breaking down that helping others would be taken off the table.

I was bass-ackwards in my thinking!

It is out of our nothing that He, My Lord empowered us to help others!

It was never because we had anything, it is because of the willingness to give no matter what.

Folks, He is my strength, His Joy is my strength! If what we are doing makes you think more of me then I am doing something wrong, I want to shout from the rooftops how He is empowering us to help others. It was my plea, it was my prayer (it still is,) and He is answering my call. He loves me and knows that this is the desire of my heart, for He put it there!

No I didn't win the lottery or make nearly enough money this year. He is multiplying our investments of talents.

A group of us made a recording project in my living room. These are talented people, it was a great project.

We have made it available to anyone who wants to listen now that we have reached our goals. Click on the cover to download.

We promoted and sold the CD and we were able to help the one family we signed up to help, and then another, and then another and then we were able to buy blankets and fill them with food vouchers!

It was like the fishes and the loaves, He kept multiplying our nothing into something. God is the only one who can multiply anything by zero and come up with abundance!

Our church was donating to the cause (sponsoring many Adopt-A-Family projects,) from bake sales, women’s ministries etc to all of the participants in this program. In these horrific economically challenging times, they gave from their hearts in abundance!

My dearest friend Lori made all kinds of goodies to ship to her family for the holidays. She couldn't afford the postage, yes folks that is where we are at, but she sold the items and donated to help us!! That is simply amazing!!

Out of her trials she allowed a miracle to happen. I am in awe of her willingness to serve and help others.

I have a young man in my life right now who doesn't believe in modern day miracles. I say to him, "Look, when anyone gets out of themselves for a moment and helps another it is a miracle! " This world is not set up for charity, kindness and love. We fight society to even try!

We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas handing out blankets to the homeless and destitute. I did so in honor of my sisters. We all had our own reasons. My 12yr old son says that his heart was broken when he saw a man eating out of the garbage (he was waiting for me during one of my hospital visits.) He says his heart is now warm after delivering blankets and has promised to not let hay fall on the ground, when feeding our horse. The money he saves from wasting hay he wants to put towards a monthly blanket giveaway. We found blankets for $5 and food vouchers for the same. That has become his new ministry.

My husband and I got Pro-Tools and will be making a new jazz/blues project to help our friends who are serving others in Haiti and Cambodia. We will be working hard with Raven's Relief  (International) and Artists4Change  (USA) in this new year. These are charities I started a few years ago. I never thought to use our music to help. I pretty much quit music. Well, I am back and will be doing some stuff with my husband, Taylor Kropp, Orion Wiliams, Kim "Doc" Mompean, and lets not forget the great Phil Keaggy and Troy Luccketta. Who knows who will be involved, but I am certain you will be hearing all about it.

I am loving my life right now. It is everything I ever dreamed of. We have been through hell to get here and I am certain more hard times are ahead, but we do it together, we conquer in love, we be the best we can be and empower others to do the same and we do it all because God gives us the ability, resources, means and desire.

Without God, I am a very different me...and well, that is a whole other story and it isn't very pretty!!

Look out 2011 Here we come!

Happy New Year from the Lucckettas!!